Advice for bully victims
Are you being bullied and want to stop the bullying?
Here are some tips that may help.
Ignoring the Bully
Many people tell you to ignore the bully. They may give reasons such as “the bully is being childish” or “ignore it and it will go away”.
It will work if the bully is someone who you do not meet regularly. For example, it may be a school bully who randomly bullies other children.
However, if the bully is someone you meet often, it may make bullying worse. This is because being silent about the bullying may lead them wanting to bully you even more to get a response from you.
Avoid the Bully
You can also try to avoid the bully. Avoid crossing paths with the bully, avoid being near the bully, and avoid interacting with the bully.
Similarly, this is only useful if the bully is someone you can avoid. If the bully is your classmate/CCA mate, it is impossible to avoid them.
Blocking the Bully on Social Media
Bullies who are your schoolmates will usually bully victims on social media as well. Victims will need to block the bully on social media platforms (e.g. whatsapp, facebook). By blocking them, you will safeguard yourself from receiving mean and nasty messages.
It is important to know that bullying will not stop simply by blocking them. You will need to do more to solve the problem.
What to avoid doing!
Do not react Aggressively
Some things to think about!
Victims of bullying are less able to trust other people after being bullied. There is especially little trust with the bully.
Sometimes, even after adults stepped in to help the bullying case, you may not feel that it has stopped.
When you feel that the bullies are still bullying you, you will need to gather evidence that they are still bullying you.
Are they still disturbing you?
Do you still hear rumours about you going around?
What do your other classmates, teachers and parents think about it?
It is possible that you are a victim of your own imagination. If you are, talk to a trusted adult about it.
Being a victim of bullying is not easy.
There are many hurts and pains from it.
But always remember that it’s only for a season in life.
You will never always be bullied.
Saying such as “It is always darkest before the dawn” and “sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning” reflect that it is a temporary thing that is happening.
You can also see this situation as an experience that builds character and resilience in you!
Keep hanging in there and standing firm against the bullies!
In a firm and composed manner, tell the bullies that what they have been doing is not funny and it has been hurting you. Then politely tell them not to do so again in future.
Some bullies may not realise that their actions are hurting others. When they learn that you are affected by it, they may be more willing to stop.
As your actions will push the bullies to reflect on their own actions, they may realise that what they are doing to others is wrong, and will be more likely to stop bullying.
However, the bullies who intentionally hurt other people will not stop. These bullies have been hurt before while they are growing up.
Report the Bullying
When nothing else seems to be working, please report the bullying. Report it to your parents, teachers and friends.
As most children and youth do not want to burden their parents, they will share it with their friends.
Friends who know about the bullying should help the victim stand up against the bullies.
If the bully is physically hurting your friend – go in and help your friend or scream and get an adult.
If the bully is verbally insulting your friend – firmly tell them to stop.
If the bully is spreading rumours about your friend – tell them that it is not true, and they need to stop
If the bully is cyber-bullying your friend – report the posts, take a screenshot/ photo of it and tell your friend and an adult.
Friends should not act aggressively against the bully. It may make things worse for the victim.
Friends who don’t know what to do or are afraid, should report the bullying case to teachers and parents of the victim.
When reporting to parents and teachers, please make sure that they have a long term plan to approach the bullying situation.
If they tell you to ignore it, tell them that ignoring the problem will not make it go away.
If the teacher scolds the bully and does nothing else, it is only a short term solution. The bully will not feel good about it, and may bully you even more.
There is a chance that reporting the bullying will make it worse. But when there is nothing left that you can do, the next best option is to report it.
If you don’t report it = things will continue to be bad, and may get worse.
If you report it = there’s a chance it will get better.
If you need more support from CABCY, or want CABCY to help support the school, please contact us via e-consultation!
When you are bullied, do not react in an aggressive and provoking manner. It will provoke the bully and it will make the bullying worse. It will also turn you into a bully.
For example, if the bully is cursing and swearing at you, do not curse and swear back. It will only make the bully angrier.
If the bully punches you, try to escape from the beating. If you cannot escape, block the vital parts of the body. If you punch back, the school can treat it as a fight. You will be punished even if you did nothing wrong.
If the bullies are gossiping about you, do not start gossiping about them. It will only encourage them to spread other things about you.
Do I intentionally or unintentionally act in a way that annoys other people and makes me a target of bullying?
Everyone has different personalities, habits and behaviours. We are aware of some of these habits and behaviours, but there are habits and behaviours we don’t notice.
Sometimes, these habits and behaviours we think are acceptable to others, may annoy them. For example, trying other people’s food without asking for permission. You may think it is okay, but other people do not.
If you spit a lot when you speak, you may think its natural, but other people may find it annoying.
It is wrong for others to bully you because of the way you act. However, if you think that there is some truth in what they said, you can share it with your friends, parents and teachers and get their opinion on it.
That being said, some bullies are just using these differences in personality, habits and behaviour as excuses to bully you. Discretion has to be exercised.
After being bullied, we tend to develop a fixed pattern in relating the bully.
For example, if the bully says something mean to us, we will ignore it or brush it off with another comment like “whatever”.
However, are there other ways to relate to the bully?
By improving your relationship with the bully, they are less likely to bully you.
For example, if you are not very good at soccer, and the bully always picks on you by saying that you are bad at it. What are some ways you can respond?
Ignoring the bully
Say no one’s perfect and pick on other areas he’s bad at
Tell him to “deal with it”
Alternatively, you can admit that you are bad at soccer, and ask him to help you with it.
Are there other ways to react to the bully?
Are they still bullying me? (For Kids who have received help from adults and still think they are being bullied).